I too was a malingering child. My household was chaotic and physically dangerous. When I was “being sick” I was treated to pleasant attention and caring. My body-mind learned quickly that if the stress at home got to a certain point my body would serve as the family stress circuit breaker and I would get ill. The attention would turn to me and instead of violence I would receive concern. Thus started endless trips to the doctors, rounds of antibiotics, blood tests etc. During yet another move to yet another city and another new school the doctors thought I had leukemia. Make no mistake, I was truly sick; I was sick of living with alcoholism, uncertainty, and hate. It wasn’t until I emancipated myself from the craziness that I became free from the need to be ill, or have I? It’s so easy to believe that disease is an external force, its reinforced culturally, medically and socially. In my hallucination I see symptoms as messengers from the deepest part of myself. I try to pay attention to any meanings that my body-mind might be sending my way. If I’m in my lower chattering mind I interpret a cold as something I caught from someone else, and why can’t they be more careful not to expose others? If my consciousness is elevated for whatever reason I interpret the runny nose and malaise as a message that I may not be acting in congruency with my life’s purpose. In my strange way of thinking I don't get disease, I do disease. Symptoms for me can be important clues to where to look for a change in behavior that may be needed. Or, it may just be a cold.
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I too was a malingering child. My household was chaotic and physically dangerous. When I was “being sick” I was treated to pleasant attention and caring. My body-mind learned quickly that if the stress at home got to a certain point my body would serve as the family stress circuit breaker and I would get ill. The attention would turn to me and instead of violence I would receive concern. Thus started endless trips to the doctors, rounds of antibiotics, blood tests etc. During yet another move to yet another city and another new school the doctors thought I had leukemia. Make no mistake, I was truly sick; I was sick of living with alcoholism, uncertainty, and hate. It wasn’t until I emancipated myself from the craziness that I became free from the need to be ill, or have I? It’s so easy to believe that disease is an external force, its reinforced culturally, medically and socially. In my hallucination I see symptoms as messengers from the deepest part of myself. I try to pay attention to any meanings that my body-mind might be sending my way. If I’m in my lower chattering mind I interpret a cold as something I caught from someone else, and why can’t they be more careful not to expose others? If my consciousness is elevated for whatever reason I interpret the runny nose and malaise as a message that I may not be acting in congruency with my life’s purpose. In my strange way of thinking I don't get disease, I do disease. Symptoms for me can be important clues to where to look for a change in behavior that may be needed.
Or, it may just be a cold.
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